WROTE THE BELOW BACK IN LATE-OCTOBER (the 27th to be specific!). don't feel like much of it relates to myself as of now but don't want to lose it, so i'm just gonna go ahead and publish what i left over. it's all just loki talk, really, so not missing out on much!
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hello folks! i hope you're all doing well.
a lot has happened, and also nothing at all. something in the middle? it might depend on your idea of a lot.
i got a JOB ... and i've KEPT that job over the past 3 months. it is at a godforsaken chuck e cheese... yes, i am 20 years old, yes i know, yes. but it's not so bad and they have me closing every shift i work which means it doesn't interfere with day stuff, so... honestly, i'll take it. i'll take what i can get.
my job + an attempt at community college means i'm way busier than i used to be, which is a funny concept because i'm not really busy... but it feels insane just to balance TWO (three if you count my little mc server stuff!) things in my life when i often had one or even nothing going on. but i'm getting through it... sort of.
all of what i wrote about last post is still true. i ADORE loki and have been furthering my knowledge of him over the past few months. i get weird about consuming media once i hit a certain threshold of information about it, so i've read less than i should about him. but i'm following current comics that feature him and also spend lots of time thinking about him and the way they've developed him over the years. if this sounds silly and a little lame, that's because it is - but i don't care!
last post, i talked about loki having trauma. and i think this is really interesting because i haven't thought of him that way at ALL since. i wish i could better remember how i felt about loki at the time, cause it'd only been a few weeks since i'd fallen down the little loki rabbit hole. my opinion of him has changed surprisingly drastically, i think, which i didn't even realize until i'd read that post from june.
in said post, i really valued loki's change from bad -> good. and i DO think that's what has always made modern loki such a beloved character; it's his potential for goodness, the fact that you can see he is troubled and wants to be different at times. but he always falls into the same box, always walks the same path. i guess it's sort of sad, but not really. it's his choice, after all, even when he's convinced it isn't.
but now, after the comics and MCU have both turned him into an almost completely selfless figure (the MCU more so), i've come to appreciate his potential for EVIL. is that weird? i don't want loki to be completely evil either, obviously, but to be just good is so boring. that loki CHOOSES to be good when evil is at his fingertips is the best version of him. to deny his love for chaos is to kill the character entirely. and it's now that i understand why so many people don't like the loki show.
and that loki may choose evil when it furthers the story, that he picks self-preservation and his own interest over others, even those that he loves, THAT'S loki. and when he DOES choose to help or protect someone else, it's that much more powerful, because he's going against his entire character to do so. THAT'S LOKI!
i don't think i'd realized the value of that in my previous post. it's easy to see loki as only what he is today, on his current path of righteousness. and, like i said, i don't mind it. i like good loki! but it's only because of bad loki that i can like good loki. and ignoring all that is just... ugh. what's even the point?
