hey folks.
i'm feeling awfully bummed out. things are quite stagnant. i feel like a mosquito in still waters.
minecraft legend and all-around funny fella technoblade died a few days ago. it is deeply fucking me up. i'm not going to deny i have some parasocial tendencies but goddamn. it is just so hard to think about.
i've been resisting writing gushy sad messages about him on any real public platform because i feel silly contributing to a mass of generally similar laments. this is probably just a me-thing. like, no one's going to give me (or anyone else for that matter) shit about being sad over someone's death. yet i feel silly even thinking about it.
i was very fond of techno. i'm not going to claim i was a huge fan or anything. but i very much enjoyed his content and found him to be very smart and entertaining. without him i don't know if i ever would have gotten into minecraft again. maybe i'm giving him too much credit... but i very much miss him. i can't even begin to imagine how painful it must be for those that actually knew him personally, if i am feeling this shitty from just being a casual viewer. it's all just very sad.
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it has been two days since i wrote the above. it's hard to think about what to say. every few hours i think about techno and just feel awful. he reminded me of myself, i think, and it makes me ponder over my own death. it is a scary thought.
hmm.. updates, updates.. i have been doing my job for about 3 weeks now. it has definitely gotten easier, though i think i am wearing thin. this is my first job and it is a lot. not that being a counselor is that difficult or anything, but it is just a lot of time to be out and about doing things. it is very tiring! if i don't get at least 8 hours of sleep, i am exhausted the next day.
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it has been a few more days. i really do not have much to say. this is a shorter entry. goodnight
